you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
