Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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