He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
