if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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