Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
