So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
