woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize