Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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