Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
