I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He? As in you personified your dick?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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