grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
