I want to have your abortion
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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