when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
COCAINE IS GR8
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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