Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Success! We fucked roommates!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
