My sheets look like a crime scene.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
