i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
