remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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