Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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