the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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