Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
