You're so nebulous sometimes
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
