I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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