i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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