just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
