apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
