Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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