and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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