I wanna bring you to show and tell
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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