I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I supernannyed him into submission
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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