I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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