Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
