those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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