Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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