I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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