wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
