My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
