meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
