4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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