i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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