He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
