as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i barfeds in our rink
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
