running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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