There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
