I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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