Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
