She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
