WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
