I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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