just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
