I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
