He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
