I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
