I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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