i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
