I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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