Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
