I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
