Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
