i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
