So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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