shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
