I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
