you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
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I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
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You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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