umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
