Its about making memories worth repressing
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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