it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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