My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
