Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
